So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
