Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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