I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
