I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if only i could text you this smell
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
