remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
