can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
