then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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