it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
