I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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