Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
