I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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