On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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