If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
