New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
