This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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