Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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