He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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