I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
