let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
