i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Man, jail baloney is awful.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
