I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
