I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All the doctor said was why
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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