JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
