shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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