Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
