I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
