Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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