I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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