I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
