I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
