Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
