and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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