I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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