As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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