he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
