oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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