In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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