ugly people sure do ruin things
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
