I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
