Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
