I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
