dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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