I haven't been this sober since birth.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
