you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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