I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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