hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i dont even know how to be here
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
