He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
