im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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