Who did Billy Mays play for?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
