omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
