You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
