so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
