If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
