Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
