I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
