oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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