So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
