You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
