Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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