You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize