Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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