I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
