When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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