So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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