I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
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