WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
