I wish I could teleport
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
