After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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