One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize