i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
