I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
