We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
