There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize