man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
