its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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