next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
