Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
