I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
