Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
