why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
