Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
