I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
