we have officially lost it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
