There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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