Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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