Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
